Figurative Langauge – Does it add flavour?

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Jones’ Exclusive Swimming Pools

120 Parade Avenue, 13000

Abu Dhabi

Phone: +971 08994746


August 7, 2017


Mr Davy Backham

The Villa Complex

Dubai, 123235DB

United Arab Emirates


Dear Davy:

Re: Completed Swimming Pool and Birthday Party

I hereby accept your most generous invitation to the prestigious ceremony; I say with tongue in cheek, of the opening of your new exclusive swimming pool we built for you. I am also over the moon to come and join in the celebration for your son’s tenth birthday party. It will be an honor to be there, not only as the president of the company but also as a friend. You and your wife have been most generous to a fault to invite me.

I must expound slightly, if I may, on the completion of the pool. I feel it must be like a manna from heaven to you to be able to sit by the water. I must apologise again for all the stalling blocks.

Thanks for the last email; I did hear about your last party, I will not buy your son anything too exorbitant. I hope he relishes the birthday party: how sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child! All the same, it is nice to be young, rather than like me, and be as old as Methuselah. I am actually going to feel like the man on Clapham omnibus with all those celebrities around the pool. I pertain to be up in the mix with the gentry and well healed, but it will put me on my mettle. It will actually all be like water off a duck’s back as I do now have a VIP box at FC Barcelona that has seen a few famous faces. By the way, you are always welcome!

It will be strange coming back to Dubai as we had a wild time there before. Sorry for the slight crassness, but I was pissed as a newt. We had a works do, everyone was there from the last time you came to the house. It was like herding cats at times. I will reveal more of the story when I see you. All I can say is we were scattered from here to breakfast. I should also say that my wife has thrown a bridle on me since then, at least for the time being, but it will be alright for the party, I will be free. Actually, the story should only be between you and me and the bedpost.

I must say (I think you have not been back for a year) having been to Dubai to complete the pool, I was amazed what an out of this world place it is nowadays. It raises eyebrows. I say this, but it is crazy how many foreigners are riding the gravy train there. They are buying up property like nobody’s business. I am not sure when the bubble will burst. All the same, if we go out, I know some places to avoid to cut loose from those hangers on.

So, I am arriving on October 3, I will book into the hotel and then work my way over to your abode. We need to do a little shopping; for one the wife needs a little retail therapy – she is a strange bird – but it would be nice to get a few bottles and a present for the kid. I hope she does not buy a pig in the poke, so I think I will take over and buy something for the party. She has the knack of spending money on absolute junk.

Yours faithfully,

Jim Jones


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